if you would rather encounter a bear than a man in the woods that is your preference and no one can stop you from having that but you need to understand that men and particularly men of colour are the majority of victims of violent crime. you need to understand the majority of offenders in sexual assault cases are casual and close friends, and when you add intimate partners to that figure it accounts for 2/3 of all offenders. you need to understand that most violent crimes occur in the household. so do most sexual assaults. statistically you are in more danger sitting on the couch with your husband or accepting a ride home from a coworker than you are going for a hike

and you need to understand that when the public conversation about women's safety is centered on the existence of strangers and the top ten products you need to barricade yourself in your home when your husband goes on a weekend trip with it is neither based in reality or helpful for addressing and responding to the causes of violence against women

Wow, this is super cool!

What’s the biggest area of Hyrule in terms of pixels? (Like, counting “places the player can’t reach for whatever reason”).

Hmm, depends how you define “area”. The majority of the continent is a single landmass, so technically “everything that isn’t an island” counts? But, I’m assuming you’re after something a bit more specific.

My latest research is focusing on mapping Hyrule’s weather systems, though, which has yielded some PRETTY INTERESTING RESULTS already, and that certainly falls into areas - the largest of which covers central Hyrule (i.e. Hyrule Field and Ridgeland, the Great Plateau, Lake Hylia and the Faron Grasslands). I attach the following figure for your consideration.

Rainfall, sunlight hours and cloudiness are identical across this region, although temperature varies. I shall publish these very important results soon. Thank you for your question.

Does this mean that Hylians have a UK level grasp of distance? That Link would just die of boredom on a 6 hour car trip?

I would posit that they have something closer to a Wales level grasp of distance specifically, which probably also explains why they have perfectly easy trade routes on foot or donkey but every village Cannot Fathom actually walking over the mountain to the next one. If I am correct with this hypothesis, a six-hour car journey would be seen as not an activity for boredom, but an Undriveable Distance that one would have to tearfully kiss their relatives goodbye for in the manner of a colonist heading out to Mars.

Thank you for your question.

So wait, there’s five nations all occupying a single landmass just a little bigger than Wales?

Aha, well, we’re veering into sociology/anthropology a little here but I would argue that there are, in fact, seven:

• Hylians
• Gerudo
• Gorons
• Zora
• Sheikah/Yiga
• Koroks
• Lizalfos

And I KNOW, I can hear people recoiling at that last one, but hear me out

Alone of all monster-classified species, Lizalfos have mastered metallurgy. Their weaponry (shields, boomerangs and bows) are all metal-reinforced; and not just any metal, but steel. Even if we assume they’re just nicking the steel off some Gorons, they’re still then reshaping it into their own designs. And they make good stuff! They’re gifted metal workers and smiths. Very impressive. This suggests a level of sapience we don’t see elsewhere - moblins and bokoblins both use bone to reinforce wood weapons, which puts them on par with/a little smarter than crows.

In the Zora monuments we’re given a historical account of a battle between the Zora and the Lizalfos. There is repeated reference to a Lizalfos general. For them to have a general, they have pretty complex military structures, plus the ability to assign roles. Maybe it’s just the Zora word? But the account also suggests more sapient behaviour than just “angry lizard”. It all reads like advanced warfare, not just a scavenging party.

And I know, I know, they’re listed as monsters in the compendium. But firstly, so are Yiga warriors including Master Kohga, a man who has a full conversation with Link, and secondly, the compendium was compiled by the Sheikah and bias automation is a thing.

Also I guess there’s a good argument for separating Sheikah and Yiga into two separate nations, if not races, so actually all in all there’s eight. All in a land a little bigger than Wales.

You’re really gonna do my bois the Rito like that, huh

WHOOPS LOL absolutely right, and I should have double checked before posting. Thank you for catching this egregious error in peer review.

A correction from the author: there are eight, possibly nine nations.

If we count Hyrule Warriors as canon, it is fair to say that Lizalfos are a subspecies of dragons, given that in HW, they are being led by Volga, who is a dragon capable of turning into a human, and refers to them as “his people”. So the Lizalfos general might have been a similar type of being, if not a direct descendant of Volga or even Volga himself (we don’t know how long someone like Volga would live, after all)

EXCELLENT point! I mean, Lizalfos are, on the whole, a semi aquatic race, and I think it’s possibly worth pointing out that the other aquatic race - the Zora - have an interesting quirk whereby royal males keep growing, eventually reaching a good twenty times the size of the rest of the species. Additionally, Koroks, Twili, Deku and Gorons all display almost no polymorphism outside of the Royal lines.

So arguably, could Volga be a Lizalfos Prince? It seems to fit. Bigger, more physically developed as a hominid, possessing stronger magical powers…

I don’t even play Zeldorb and I need OP to marry me immediately

Our wedding shall be held in an area whose weather I have mapped and presided over by a retired fish man

I believe in Bethesda to have a production pipeline both slow enough and deadly enough to get the job done

you're falling in the trap!! it will be read by many people, many times, and it will live on in their memories. and maybe no single other human will match you in time spent dedicated to your story, but as a collective we will outlast you. acts of creation only grow when they are shared